Hormones
by Kensei Rueketsueki
Summary: How would you like it if everyone you loved and cared about suddenly had a dramatic personality change? I'll answer for you, "It sucks!"


"YOU WHAT?!" Captain Kuchiki's eyes nearly shot out of his head, he almost never raised his voice in anger, and it was truly a rare and horrifying sight. "How could you be so incredibly stupid and incompetent?! Unohana, Hitsuguya, Soi Fong, Kyouraku, and I just needed you to bring Captain Kurotsuchi here so we could speak with him, but instead you bring some GOD DAMN EXPLODING BOMB SHIT!!"

"I-I'm s-sorry." The redhead said as he fell back, trying his best to put some distance between him and his fuming captain, "It's just, just.."

"It's just what!? Speak Damn It!" Unohana ran up and kicked the poor Lieutenant Abarai in the face, "You stupid…" Kick "Retarded…" Kick "Punk ass…" Big Kick.

"Unohana," Soi Fong began, "Stop being so mean, I'm sure he didn't do it on purpose. Are you OK Renji?" She said as she bent down to help the poor crumpled man on the ground who jumped a bit as she reached out to him.

"Damn Kuchiki you really freaked Renji out." Hitsuguya said as he ran over to help her in aiding the lieutenant.

Suddenly the doors burst open and Lieutenant Shuuhei and Ise ran into the room "What the Fu…?" They began in unison but were rudely interrupted by Captain Kyouraku who had been walking around in the corner.

"Does anyone want some fruit punch?" He said with a bright happy smile as he placed a random pitcher on the table, if there should have ever been an excellent time for an anime sweat drop it would be now.

"Um, Nanao, did your captain just suggest drinking something, um, non-alcoholic?" Hisagi asked with what was probably the most confused look the Seireitei had ever seen.

"Uh-hu, I think he did, OK what…" Nanao started

"Come with me!" Hisagi said as he grabbed Nanao's arm ran over and snatched Renji from Hitsuguya and Soi Fong and then ran out the door. "OK Renji, just what the hell is going on, why are all the captains crazy as shits?"  
"Well the captains were fine earlier they were just having a small meeting and summoned me to get Captain Kurotsuchi so they could ask him about a scientific viewpoint, but he said he couldn't go and gave me a small box to give to the other captains." Renji paused and wiped the blood that was running down his face from the repetitive kicks that he had received from Unohana.

"And," Nanao urged for answers, "Why is my captain drinking fruit punch when he should be drinking something with at least eighty percent alcohol?!" she screamed grabbing Renji by the 

shoulders and shaking him until he felt like his head was going to fall off, not to mention the wounds got worse with every continuous shake.

"Calm down Nanao," Hisagi said separating the two, "Continue, Renji."

"Well, I delivered the box to the captains then walked outside to let them continue their meetings but, once I was outside there was an explosion…"

"An EXPLOSION?!" Nanao and Hisagi chimed together

"Well maybe not an explosion, more like a loud pop and a hissing sound. When I walked in the door they were all as crazy and loopy like a bunch of drunk idiots. I just don't understand, none of them are acting like themselves, it's just stra…"

"My, my, this is quite the show wouldn't you agree Nemu? The sound of the raspy, squeaky almost irritating voice surprised the three lieutenants causing one to step back, trip over a rock, fall in a bed of flowers right before her encyclopedia book flew up into the air just to fall and squash her; another to jump up and hit his head on a low branch causing him to bleed even more; and the last to slip on a puddle of Renji's blood and fall backwards to sit on an abnormally pointy rock behind him.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" the three screamed as they rolled, jumped, and ran in circles rubbing their new wounds while their faces contorted with the immense pain.

"I guess the show just got better." The man's teeth spread in a wide grin as he watched the lieutenants grovel in pain.

"Yes, master," Nemu replied.

"That wasn't a question you idiot!" Mayuri snapped back.

"What was in that GOD DAMN BOMB?!" Renji yelled with a new found energy as he lurched at the unsuspecting captain pinning him up against the wall.

"Aw, nothing much just a bit of adrenocorticotropic hypogonadism ******vicissitude serum, now if you would please let me go I won't have to cut off your arms." Mayuri said in a rather calm monotone voice.**

******"What the hell is adreno-oc… what ever the hell you were talking about?!" Renji and Shuuhei snapped, Nanao was rapidly flipping through the pages of her encyclopedia.**

******"**Adrenocorticotropic hypogonadism!" Nanao said as she pinned her finger at the phrase, "The hormone that controls behavior and helps to regulate a person's personality and mental 

function." Flipping through a few more pages, her finger fell upon another word, "Vicissitude, the Latin word for reverse…WHAT THE HELL?! YOU REVERSED THEIR HORMONES?!"

"Wow, I must say that your speed is incredible." Mayuri said grinning ear to ear.

"I still don't understand." Renji said with the most confused look on his face, as he scratched his head freeing a few strands of his hair from their tie.

"You stupid idiot!" Suuhei said lunging and slapping his fellow soul reaper on the back of his head, "Mayuri gave the captains loopy gas! Damn you're stupid."

"ME?! If you ask me you're the stupid one…"

"And on what grounds do you stand on that allows you to call me stupid?"

"I have a whole bunch of grounds to stand on thank you very much!"

"Like what?"

"Like, like, well I can't think of anything right now but there's a ton!"

"You're just so damn stupid you don't even know you're stupid!"

"That makes no sense!"

"My, my, it seams as though they got a bit of the gas in their systems as well." The Captain said

"No," Nanao said dropping her head and pushing up her glasses with her index finger, "Unfortunately they're just that way. And stop saying 'my, my' it's freaking annoying. Just tell me how to reverse it."

"Oh you can't, but it will ware off in about an hour, just long enough for me to go in and do some tests on them." Captain Kurotsuchi said as he turned and walked away, "Oh you might want to bring a couple wet towels, and some tea."

"Why?" Nanao asked sarcastically as she put her hands on her hips.

"Cuz they are going to get something like a hangover." The captain said as he began walking toward the building and waving his hand with the grotesque nail scraping the air.

"Super." Nanao said as the two children in back of her began arguing over who's hair looked better at night.


End file.
